10 Things
The Bible's always talking about taking heart in the midst of bad circumstances and rejoicing in all things. As a way to show my abject apostacy, here's a list of things I'll never rejoice in the midst of:
1. Strep throat
2. Tepid Coffee more than two days old, when the cream starts to separate and congeal
3. Driving behind geriatric women(s), or even men(s)
4. Seeing spiders at 10x, when they look like muderous brain sucking demons
5. Avril Lavigne
6. Ulcers or coldsores
7. The part in Boondock Saints when Willem Defoe dresses like a woman and makes out with a man
8. Really loud clowns
9. Getting kicked in the jimmy
10. Wearing Turtle-Neck anything - I agree with Mitch Hedberg.
posted by RJ @ 7:43 AM
4 comments
4 Comments:
You probably wouldn't like James Frey's newest memoir, "Loud, ulcer-riddled, jimmy-kicking clowns in turtlenecks driving slowly." My favorite part is where Willem Defoe, who has strep throat, makes out with Avril Lavigne, who's dressed as a spider.
I'm going to finish this cold coffee from last week--I'll catch you later.
What about mock turtlenecks?
Also, I think I'm going to start writing James Frey posts on my blog. I'm hoping to post a quick story about that time in Philosophy class when I sat next to Avril Lavigne and discussed spontaneous self-actualization brought on by jimmy kicking large spiders and/or Willem Defoe, because sometimes, you just can't tell the difference between them.
I'd like to add something to your list:
11) Going your whole life without a cavity, then, at 25 years of age, going for a cleaning and check-up and finding out you have THREE!
(I assume that if this were to happen to someone, it would be hard to rejoice.)
"In all its magnitude." I think when applied to giant spiders that phrase produces the funniest image ever! Awesome.
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