wiki e-how

"Wiki e-How" is an open forum where people can post instructions on how to do things. While it might seem like a good idea in theory, in my experience it's a total disaster. Today I read an e-how on how to sruvive a freestyle rap battle. It's completely useless. It incorrectly assumes that the reader lives in a world where disputes can be settled via freestyle rap battles.

Bush: "I think there might have been some weapons of destruction that were massive."
Reid: "No way."
Bush: "You're wack. Say, Harry, let's have a rap battle, and the loser has to have lunch with Barbara Boxer."
Reid: "You're low, but I accept your challenge."

Or, even better:

Nick: "Honey, I don't want to make dinner tonight. You do it."
J-Bomb: "Listen, foo'. I was raised on the streets. I'll handle you an' your big words."
Nick: "Are you throwin' down? Fine: I'll start. I'm a tyromancer and a disco dancer, and I'll bust yo' head like dasher, comet and prancer!"
J-Bomb: "You're a metro guy with a lazy eye, and you walk like a velocira-DANG IT!"
Nick: "I'd like scallion souffle, please."

And even if I did live in a world where this happened, I'm pretty sure that if I'm armed with nothing better than their instructions, I'd lose in a second. I'd get stomped. Smashed. Destroyed. Thrown out on my ugly cracker-ass. Eminem would be ashamed.

For other terrible "how to" articles written by idiots, check out How to Walk Silently and How to Be a Good Spy.